I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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