i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
