we're blogging at a bar
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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