They should really pass out barf bags in church
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
