what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
