Pants 0. Shit 1.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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