the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
