is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
