i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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