oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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