I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
