That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
