I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
