i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
