So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
