Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
