Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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