Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
