Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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