We named our party play list daddy issues
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
