New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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