ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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