I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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