I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
