My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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