You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
