This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i drank out of a bidet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
