Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
