tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
