His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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