just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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