Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
