so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
