roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
