definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
