So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
