I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
sex in a hospital.. check
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
