you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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