whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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