Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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