remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
