The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
