Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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