carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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