well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
