I wanna passion pit in your ass
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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