don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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