strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
