You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
