we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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