my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
