wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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