Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
