I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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