She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
