evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
