Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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