just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
