You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
