I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
